Anita and I know from experience that making bad decisions can wreak havoc on our health, finances, self-esteem, and happiness. We also know from 20+ years of coaching that we’re not alone with this issue.

That’s why we created the Yes-No-Maybe Rules, which we will share one at a time to help you make decisions you won’t regret – decisions that could lead to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life

1. A Maybe is really a No
2. Hit pause when you sense urgency
3. Never settle for less than a true Yes
4. Don’t let self-doubt take you out
5. Avoid a charged No

Saying Yes to a Maybe is the perfect set up for regret. When our response is Maybe, it’s because something inside us is quietly saying no. Ignoring that something comes at a cost and that cost is often regret.

Here’s an example. If you say Yes to eating at a restaurant when your response was really an ambivalent Maybe, the food may not please or agree with you, the service may be terrible, or it may be too loud or too crowded for your comfort. Does a Maybe response mean you magically knew something unpleasant would happen? Not at all. It could simply be a hunch, or it could mean that you heard something negative about the restaurant that you don’t quite remember.

Regardless of whether it’s a hunch or a buried memory driving the ambivalent Maybe, the bottom line is that it’s not a Yes. Wait for the Yes whenever possible because, even if you are pleasantly surprised by a Maybe result, more often than not you’ll regret saying Yes to a Maybe.

This rule gains importance as the stakes get higher. It may not be a big deal if you don’t enjoy the restaurant, but it could be a very big deal if you buy a house or marry someone with a Maybe instead of waiting for a Yes.

So, why do we say Yes when it’s really a Maybe?

• A Maybe response is subtle. It’s not a big NO that’s hard to ignore. It’s more like a hint that’s easily overruled.
• It’s easier to say Yes because a Maybe is hard to explain. If asked, we can’t easily explain why we aren’t interested – we just know that we’re not.
• We can feel pressure to be congenial, to go along to get along, to not rock the boat, to not be high maintenance, and to fit in with the crowd.

Another reason we say Yes to a Maybe is because we think we should.

Everyone else likes it, why don’t you? The movie has great reviews; the restaurant has a 5-star rating; everyone else thinks it’s a good idea; it makes perfect sense; the experts say I should; it fits all my criteria; everyone I talk to says it will be good for me.

Try saying No when you are unsure.

A Maybe response to a question is not a bad thing. It just means to keep looking until you find something that gives you a Yes response. It may take longer to find the Yes, but you’ll be happier and spend less time on regret in the end.

How life is better when you say No to a Maybe.

• You may have fewer clothes, but those you have make you really happy.
• It may take longer to furnish your house, but you can appreciate each piece every day, for years.
• You’ll be with people that you enjoy, doing things you like to do.
• You’ll have time and energy to do what you like because your life won’t be busy with Maybes.

Steps you can take to avoid saying Yes to Maybes.

1. Notice how often you say Yes when you’re really a Maybe.
2. See if you can figure out why you say Yes when you’re really a Maybe.
3. If you say Yes to be congenial, is it with everyone or only specific people?
4. Do you always say Yes to a Maybe or do you sometimes say No?
5. Do you say Yes to a Maybe only for small decisions or for large decisions as well?

These questions help you understand your decision-making patterns and make changes over time if you want.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this rule!  Please leave your comments below. Tell us how saying Yes to a Maybe affected your life? Ask us questions about this rule and how to apply it. We’ll get back to you in 24 hours.

Stay tuned for

Rule #2 explains how urgency and stress go hand-in-hand and why urgency sets you up for regret.