The third rule in our 5-part series on How to Make Decisions You Won’t Regret is “Don’t settle for less than a true Yes.”

First, let’s establish what we mean by settling.

1. Settling is when we decide that something may not be perfect, but it will do.
2. Settling is accepting the best of what’s available in the moment instead of waiting for the perfect answer.

This doesn’t sound so bad, does it? So, why is settling something to avoid?

The regret that comes from settling is subtle and accumulative. The more we settle, the more mediocre our lives become. We end up wearing clothes we don’t love, living in homes that are just OK, eating food just to eat, working at jobs that don’t satisfy, and having relationships that don’t inspire.

Settling causes a sort of nagging regret. Like something is missing but you just don’t know what. You may be busy but a bit bored and unfulfilled. This type of regret may not be something you think about, it may just be running quietly in the background of your life.

Instead of the mediocre feeling settling brings, waiting for a true Yes brings a little joy and adventure into our lives. The joy comes from the success we feel when we find the true Yes. The adventure comes from opening new doors of possibility instead of accepting what we already know.

If you think you may have some level of settling regret, waiting for a true Yes is an easy fix… and it’s free and fun to do.

 

How can you recognize a true Yes?

A true Yes is a showstopper. We stop searching because we found the answer. It’s the right answer and we know it. There’s no guessing and no going back and forth. It’s done and we feel good about it.

There are many different feelings associated with finding a true Yes. Sometimes we feel peaceful and calm. Sometimes joyful and excited with a shouted Yay! or a little jump for joy. Other times we may feel deeply moved, motivated, and inspired. The one thing you can count on is that finding a true Yes will make you feel good.

Here’s an example scenario of finding a true Yes.

It’s your friend’s birthday and you’re deciding on a gift. You think about dinner at a favorite restaurant – but it’s not quite right, so you keep searching. You think about buying jewelry or clothing – again not quite right, so you keep searching. Then you hear about a concert – and it’s an immediate Yes! You know it’s the answer. You know you’ll have a fabulous time. You know your friend will love it. You feel joyful and excited.

Do you remember a time you found a true Yes? It’s a good feeling, right?

So, why don’t we always wait for the true Yes?

Mostly, I think we just run on autopilot, accepting what’s here now instead of holding out for something great. Although there are times when autopilot is handy, life gets boring if we rely on it all the time.

1. Autopilot
2. Finding the true Yes
3. Waiting for a magical true Yes.

All 3 of these decision-making processes have value. Read on to find out how and when to use each.

 

#1 – Autopilot

When used properly, Autopilot is an excellent choice because it allows you to stay focused on your priorities.

The autopilot decision-making process looks like this.

1. You have a situation that needs a solution
2. You see what’s available and choose the best one

Example: Let’s say you’re facing a deadline but need something to eat. Choosing the best from what’s available may be the right choice under the circumstances. Yes, it’s an autopilot decision and may be a little boring compared to finding a true Yes, but it will allow you to stay focused on what’s important in that moment of your life.

 

#2 – Finding the true Yes

This option involves searching until you find a true Yes. It’s perfect to use on decisions that matter, especially those with long-term effects. When you choose to find a true Yes, you not only get the joy that comes with finding a true Yes, the solution is way more likely to bring you long-lasting joy.

The decision-making process for Finding the true Yes looks like this.

1. You have a situation that needs a solution.

2. You actively search for a solution: scan your memory, search the internet, talk to people, etc.

3. You keep searching until you find a true Yes.

Example: You have a job interview and want to wear the right clothes. You begin searching by looking in your closet to see if you already have a true Yes to wear. If that doesn’t work, you may go shopping to look for the true Yes outfit. You may ask others what they think or search the internet to find and buy the true Yes outfit that helps you make the perfect first impression.

The important thing about Finding a true Yes is to keep looking until you find it. Consider this. If you wear a true Yes outfit to an interview, you will mostly likely exude more confidence than if you wear something that was handy but not quite right. That extra confidence might just make the difference you need to land the job.

The outcome is better when you wait for a true Yes. Whatever you’re searching for, waiting for a true Yes will significantly increase your chances of success and long-term happiness.

 

#3 – Waiting for a magical true Yes

This option is perfect if you want to add a little adventure into your life. The key here is to step into the unknown by asking a question, being open to new possibilities, and waiting for the answer to come to you.

The point is to end up with an unexpected answer. Not an answer you can search for and find but an answer that may look nothing like anything you can imagine.

The decision-making process for Waiting for a magical true Yes looks like this.

1. You have a situation that calls for a solution.
2. Instead of searching for an answer, you just wonder what new answer might be possible.
3. Keep waiting and wondering until the true Yes answer shows up.

Example: You’re bored with eating the same old food. You could search for a new grocery store or restaurant but that keeps you in the same realm of known possibilities. Instead, you wonder what new foods may show up in your life. You don’t look, you wonder, and you notice when new foods appear.

Not all new foods will be a true Yes, so make sure you wait for it. You’ll know it when it appears. And take note that the true Yes that appears may be something totally unexpected. Maybe something related to food but not really about food at all.

Example: (continuing with the story that you’re bored with food) You go to a music festival and someone bumps into you, accidentally dumping their ice cream on you. That person turns out to be the person you fall in love with and marry. Don’t laugh. The world is filled with stories just like that one. We wonder about one thing and something else happens that leads us somewhere totally unexpected.

There’s magic in waiting for a true Yes. It opens realms of possibility. They don’t all need to lead to important things like marriage. Waiting can lead to everyday magic, like coming across a gadget that perfectly solves an incredibly unique dilemma you were facing. Or having someone give you something that is better than you could ever have imagined. Or ending up on an exciting new career path because you wondered about – and waited for – a new way to make a living.

 

Waiting for a true Yes opens new realms of possibility.

When we accept what’s in front of us, we never go beyond what we already know. And the more we accept what we already know, the smaller and more mundane our world becomes.

Even if you just use it as a fun game, waiting for a magical true Yes can change your life. Plus, it’s fun, it’s free, and it’s easy.

 

1. Shopping – don’t buy unless it’s a true Yes. If there is no little spark of joy, leave it in the store. If you don’t find a true Yes, walk away and begin to wonder how it might appear.
2. Social – wait for a true Yes before you decide what to do with your free time. You could end up staying home and falling asleep super early, which may seem boring and worse than mediocre. But you might wake up to find you’re invited to a fabulous early morning adventure that you’re refreshed and ready to attend exactly because you stayed home.
3. Activities – disengage the autopilot and shake up your routine. Instead of doing the same thing simply out of habit, take a second and see if it’s really what you want to do. Example: Many of us spend hours a day online. Instead of automatically getting online, take a minute to see if there might be something else you want to do. Even if you can’t think of anything, asking the question before getting online may eventually lead to something new and exciting. You might need to ask the question every day, but hey, if it eventually leads to a more joyful life, wouldn’t it be worth it?
4. Fulfillment – open the door to new possibility. Start to notice what makes you feel fulfilled. It may be helping others, preparing food, being with children, organizing, teaching, being part of a community or team, etc. When you find something, begin to wonder how you may have more of that in your life. Then wait and watch as new possibilities appear. Each new possibility may not be a true Yes, but you’ve opened the door and, as long as you wait and watch, your life will fill with new possibility until the true Yes arrives.

Start practicing on smaller decisions so that you get familiar with what a true Yes feels like. That way, when a larger decision comes along, you’ll be more relaxed and confident in recognizing a true Yes.

Even though everyday small decisions may seem insignificant, using the true Yes process to decide can change your life. Once you start looking for the true Yes, you’ll notice how much more wonder-filled your life becomes. You’ll start to see little coincidences that seem like magic. Are they magic? Who cares! Just enjoy them.

 

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this rule so please leave your comments below. Tell us your experiences with waiting (or not waiting) for a true Yes, or ask us questions about this rule and how to apply it. We’ll get back to you within 24 hours.

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